At Odds With Yahweh

There's a part of me that really has a problem in dealing with worship of the God of the OT. I know, I know...this is heresy, but I just feel that He can be a bit...intolerable, as a Deity. He commands Abraham to kill his own son, He proclaims David-a man who has another man killed so he can sleep with his wife- a man after His own heart, He lays waste to humanity at an alarming rate...all to show us His love? It's hard for the human part of me to reconcile this. I'd like to say I understand that this was before Grace, but why not just give us some friggin' Grace to begin with? Jesus has no role in the OT, other than to be prophesied. That sucks, because His message is the heart of my Christianity. I can follow Jesus. And maybe that's the point...to show us we can't follow God without him. But at what cost is the salvation of Man leveraged? I just don't get what kind of God would kill potential saved souls. And don't think I'm being obtuse about the omnipotence thing. Sure, you can argue over predestination and free will all day, night, weekend, year...but the fact remains: We have the choice to follow Jesus or not. I chose to accept Him as my savior. I could have just as easily not. So, why would God lay waste to so many like that? Just because they stood between the Jews and their land? Seems archaic to me. But, all war in all of history is about control of land...so I guess I could see that as a reason....albeit a human reason. So, what gives? I've been a christian for most of my life. Why only now do I start asking this kind of question? I think it's because I don't like being a christian. So much expectation is put on you when you reveal your faith to people. Or maybe that's just my perception. Point is, I believe in a different kind of Christianity than what I see represented in the world today. I believe that if Jesus really meant all the things He said, and that if people really believe them, they wouldn't be wearing thousand dollar suits on tv, preaching to Astrodomes full of faithless money-givers. Faith, as James once said, without work, is dead. There is action involved with being a Christian, not just words you sing or listen to on Sunday. It's about how you treat your fellow man, even if he resents you for it. As in, treating people respectfully, even when they don't deserve it. Not using hate filled speech to incite fear and intolerance. This is the kind of Christian I hope I am. Even though it puts me at odds with Yahweh.

From a fellow heretic.....
I think most people struggle with this at some point. I have voiced the same feelings often.

I am becoming more of a universalist than ever I thought possible. I told Nate the other day, I am a person who 10 years ago I would've judged as hell bound.

And I may be hell bound, and it does scare me....but I just can't reconcile some things either. And honestly, I think God probably laughs at some of the things we trifle over. I think He is something totally different than I can even comprehend.