Sex in the media

It is interesting, the discussion currently going on in the what have you seen lately thread about movies that condone adultery and make excuses for it. I try to be an open minded person, but I have to say, I am getting terribly sick of the picture of "love" and sex that the media paints.

I am especially frustrated by music, I love to sing along, but when I listen to the radio with my kids and I just think, "wow, this is not what I want them to hear or believe" I just find it sad. I would say 2/3 of songs on pop stations that are getting air time are about sex....very skewed disturbing views. And I know I can turn the radio off, but I also know that there are songs that my kids aren't allowed to listen too, and they still know them from the bus ride to school, school dances, being at friends houses....whatever....

It is very odd to live in a time when people really have an anything goes attitude, and view you as hateful and intolerant if you wish that they could see how self destructive they are, and what they are spreading to future generations.

These people, some of them are remarkably talented, but they use their talent to perpetuate such crap.....

I am really struggling with this lately mostly because I now have teenagers in the house, and it is so disturbing when they get angry at you because you won't let them watch "The Hangover" when all of their friends have seen it.

Seriously, I just don't understand why people are letting their kids watch this stuff. So, now the twins are compiling a list of movies they just have to see in college, because mom and dad won't let them see them now. It is crazy.

And the song that irritates me the most right now is the Brittany Spears song 3....really, I don't need this shit to be drilled into my kids heads. I turn that song off EVERY time it comes on, and the other day I hear Ethan singing it....AHHHHHH!!!!! I don't know if he knows what it means, but that was one conversation I was hoping not to have.

And because these people have all of this money from their freakish songs and movies, we then start to listen to their views on other matters as if they know what they are talking about...celebrities endorse everything, and we trust them. It is truly strange.

And I know I can turn it off if I don't like it, and I do, but I guess I am just saying that I find it a disturbing cultural trend that so many people are okay with it.

And I struggle to know how to raise my kids, knowing they are exposed to this kind of shit, but keep them thinking for themselves, and understanding that life can be so much better if you don't live the kind of life that is uplifted in society today.

I agree Ang. I mean it's hard for me as a 30 year old woman to turn off the messages I hear in those songs and I know what the songs are talking about.
I often wonder how kids process this information. Because as a kid when I didn't understand something I just made up the differences and it was catastrophic in so many ways.

Yeah, it is quite crazy what is thrown at us. From all avenues of media, too. Even commercials.

I recently started listening to pop radio again because I like that New York song. And it is like crack. I really can't stand how addictive it is!!!

I wonder if you could have that conversation with the twins...like, say to them, "This music, these movies, they all promote a really negative view of sex and relationships. We care about you so much that we want you to come to know what relationships are in healthy ways. I know it is difficult to see your friends doing all sorts of things that we don't allow you to do. But, part of our job as parents is to protect you and help you learn how to protect yourselves. Part of that protection is abstaining from things that you know bring you harm. Right now, you don't know that this kind of music etc will bring you harm. But we do. You could say 'it's just a movie' or 'it's just a song' but it is about way more than that. It's about the very essence of YOU...it's about your soul, your heart, your love. We don't want to see you let go of those things or hurt them for 'just a song' or 'just a movie.' They are worth way more to us than that. You are worth way more to us than that."

I love that idea Mel.
I know Angie that I would have hated those conversations as a teen, but now as an adult with a really messed up relationship with relationships and intimacy I would have loved for my parents to have had more clear conversations with me about guarding my heart and my body.

I know for me, I've become very desensitized to it all. Not having kids and having been exposed to these situations for so long I don't hear bad language anymore and I couldn't tell you what movies are good for kids and which aren't. It's to the point I don't even like to recommend movies to friends with kids because they view movies differently than I do.

Pete wrote:I know for me, I've become very desensitized to it all. Not having kids and having been exposed to these situations for so long I don't hear bad language anymore and I couldn't tell you what movies are good for kids and which aren't. It's to the point I don't even like to recommend movies to friends with kids because they view movies differently than I do.

Yeah, I have learned since having kids how desensitized I had become. It's amazing.

And for the record, it's not just sex. It's anti-adult attitudes. It's hateful speech. It's a lot of stuff, even in comedies. Especially in comedies.

Specifically when it comes to the sex comedies (American Pie, Knocked Up, etc.), I used the following line of thinking a few years ago when teaching some boys (ages 9-15) at a ministry I was involved in: (1) Jesus respected women, protected them, healed them, took care of them; (2) we are to follow Jesus; (3) when we indulge in T&A movies, we are disrespecting women. I don't know how well that message sank in, but it's the best I could do.

It's very true and something I never really thought about in those movies. Partly from desensitizing and partly because I see these movies as pure entertainment. It is a luxury I have being a single person with no kids.

I don't think kids can see them as pure entertainment because I see how the younger generation likes to act these movies out in real life.

Pete wrote:

I don't think kids can see them as pure entertainment because I see how the younger generation likes to act these movies out in real life.

they do....and I know that it comes down to personal responsibility, but these kids are bombarded with it....and you can not cut your kids off from society....I know people that try to, and that messes those kids up in their own special way too....

it is finding balance, and Melissa, you stated it perfectly, and we do try to talk to the kids about all of these things....but even with open conversations there are still some things I wish they weren't yet exposed to, you know?

Even in Empire State when JayZ says, "Mommy's got a bus stop, now everybody ride her like a bus route" Oh, dear lord, I always hope those lyrics fly over their heads!

I grew up with no monitoring on TV, etc....so I realize the effect it had on my mind. Some things are different as adults, and you can watch something for the humor but say, "wow, that is really no way to live" but like Pete said, so many young people just follow along and this is how they are trying to live.

I actually remember watching Friends after Rachel had the baby, and saying to Nate, they make it look like parenting is nothing and if you want a kid then the kid is there when you want it and gone when you need it to be....just such false images, and young girls believe that is how it is, and they are not even afraid of having kids....I wish I had been WAY more afraid!

I think it is okay to tell your children there are things out there that you fear they will be exposed to.

Not because 'they should remain pure and if they see them they will sin and then they will die' or whatever such nonsense we heard in youth group, etc.

I think we need to know the enemy and his tactics for attacking us...and one of the largest weapons he uses is to pervert sex and make it seem like it is just some animal desire we all have and we can satisfy it any which way we want. When, in reality, sex is a complex, mystic thing that joins two people in ways we can't even fully understand. It isn't a play thing. It isn't entertainment. It isn't a desire that should go un-checked.

One thing about your relationship with the twins that has always impressed me, Angie, is how openly you all talk with one another. That is really quite amazing. Especially for teenage boys! I think because of that, you can say to them, "There are sexual acts that you will become very curious about. There are things mentioned in these songs and movies that you may not realize are actually really perverted concepts of sex and relationships. They do not promote respect or love and the more you know about them, the further down the rabbit hole you can get." Or something like that.

You are at a critical time in their lives, Angie. And I think it is wonderful how open they are to your guidance. It will be so wonderful to see you protect them through this time and teach them what relationships are really about. Hopefully they can be spared some of the heartache others of us have felt.

That's a great example Angie! At least they did show that Rachel was in her thirties when that happened and in a secure job, and the father was there. Of course young girls rarely see those parts of it.

As far as song lyrics, I rarely even know what they say because I can rarely understand them.