Monday!!!

I couldn't sleep last night, woke up late, am moving slow on this Monday morning. Still sick, and didn't really get much of anything done this weekend either.

But, surprisingly, I am feeling better emotionally. I am exploring the meaning of Whole-hearted obedience to God--not necessarily even obedience to my own set of rules and regs that are influenced by God, but to God directly. It's a pretty interesting journey.

I had a falling out with a friend about 6-7 months ago. I tried reconciling, but nothing really came of it. So, I just dropped the whole issue from my mind. Kinda. The friendship is a long-standing one, but a difficult one too. We have always been close in a day-to-day kind of way, but there has always been competition or misunderstandings or something that make it somewhat difficult. So, when I apologized and didn't hear back, I was a bit confused, but then thought, "Well, is this someone I even want in my life anyway?! If she isn't going to forgive me for a misunderstanding?!"

Well, at one point during Lent, she kept popping into my mind. I kept asking to know God better and verses about making things right with others kept finding themselves in front of me. So, I tried once more to contact her. I was really anxious about it, but she responded positively. So, we ended up meeting in person yesterday. It went really well and we were comfortable. We talked about what happened and it was kind of awkward, but we realized it was a series of misunderstandings on both sides. And it is unfortunate that this has extended so long.

In talking to her, I also saw that she is really battling depression and I had compassion for her. Like I said earlier, things have always been frustrating with her, so I have felt bad for her in the past, or have been happy for her, but this was real compassion. Before meeting with her, I had kind of decided that I would be okay if we just resolved issues, but didn't really strike up a friendship again. I didn't see the need for it after a number of months of not really missing it. But, last night, I realized that's pretty selfish. I might not see myself needing a certain friend, but how can I say whether or not they need me? In this situation, maybe God can use me to shine compassion, love, and hope into her life. I don't know the next step, necessarily, but contrary to what I thought walking into the meeting, I feel like God has brought her back into my life for a reason and I plan on being obedient in whatever way he asks me to be regarding her.

Mel I think that's great. So often I've longed for someone to do that in my life (at different times) but I would have never been able to ask for it or initiate it.
I'm back at work. Real life seems like such a let down after the ramp up to Wicked Oh well.

Wicked was AMAZING. I've found myself hopelessly entangled with Elphaba. The entire first half I found myself completely anxious and almost crying in anticipation of her being rejected and ostracized. I was also really really angry with Madame Morrible and the others that I knew were going to lie about her to keep the identity of Wicked going. I knew that I really identified with Elpahaba but seeing it live really made it clear. I was so upset for her at one point (the dancing scene at the Oz Dust if you've seen it) I just wanted to rush on the stage and dance with her because I felt so bad for her and so made a Glinda. I had to remind myself more than a few times that it's just a play.

Working today, working out with the trainer, then a WP meeting. I start another dogsitting gig on Wednesday. Good money, but I'm starting to miss my house

Personally, the message of "I'm Not That Girl" threatens my self-esteem in many areas of my life. I fight it (and lose) all the time. It kind of goes against the message God is trying to speak a different message to me. I need to listen to that.

I am confused--what am I doing for my friend that you wish your friends would do for you, Bethany?

Well, not really a present wish per say. But back in the day I felt so shattered and broken inside and comletely unloveable. I had a lot of friends but a lot of them were in it for what I could do for them. So I expended a lot of energy trying to make them happy and keep them happy so they would be my friends. After I got saved and God began healing me of a lot of damage I stopped doing that to a degree and a ton of my friends (almost all of them) fell away.
The few that stayed have become true friends in the sense that it's a two way street, compassion, love, time etc.
So back in the day I was so afraid for anyone to see me or truly know me, and when I fought with friends it was me that took the first steps and tried to make it work.
To have had a friend when I was in the sludgey bottom of dealing with depression and all the damage come to me and make the first step, to see me with true compassion and to go beyond what she naturally wanted to do in our friendship (as far as reconcilliation) would have been huge. For that friend to be a Christian would have helped me see Jesus as who he truly was instead of this twisted jackass that I thought he was.

So it's not really now so much as it was in the past I would have loved that. I think that we can never underestimate the need for people to feel seen, loved, heard and cared for right where they are. Especially doing so in the name of Jesus.

Guess what people.. PW book signing tonight!!!

Katykc wrote:Guess what people.. PW book signing tonight!!!

Bethany wrote:Well, not really a present wish per say. But back in the day I felt so shattered and broken inside and comletely unloveable. I had a lot of friends but a lot of them were in it for what I could do for them. So I expended a lot of energy trying to make them happy and keep them happy so they would be my friends. After I got saved and God began healing me of a lot of damage I stopped doing that to a degree and a ton of my friends (almost all of them) fell away.
The few that stayed have become true friends in the sense that it's a two way street, compassion, love, time etc.
So back in the day I was so afraid for anyone to see me or truly know me, and when I fought with friends it was me that took the first steps and tried to make it work.
To have had a friend when I was in the sludgey bottom of dealing with depression and all the damage come to me and make the first step, to see me with true compassion and to go beyond what she naturally wanted to do in our friendship (as far as reconcilliation) would have been huge. For that friend to be a Christian would have helped me see Jesus as who he truly was instead of this twisted jackass that I thought he was.

So it's not really now so much as it was in the past I would have loved that. I think that we can never underestimate the need for people to feel seen, loved, heard and cared for right where they are. Especially doing so in the name of Jesus.

Ahh, ok, cool. Gotcha!

So I finally caved and mowed my yard. It's not that I'm against mowing the yard, I'm just against mowing this yard. I don't like it, it's bumpy, choppy, and I never could get a good coating of grass to grow right. The only upside is the first smell of freshly cut grass...yumm, I love that smell.

I'll be so happy when this is no longer mine to worry about.

Hey Pete. My yard is bumpy, choppy and has a looooootttttt of tree roots. And the patch by the shed still won't grow right.
WELCOME TO CINCINNATI!

Just took and hour and a half to get home. So starts the Orange Barrell season in MI.

meether369 wrote:Just took and hour and a half to get home. So starts the Orange Barrell season in MI.

what is that?

Angie wrote:

meether369 wrote:Just took and hour and a half to get home. So starts the Orange Barrell season in MI.

what is that?

Construction.

There is a running joke in Michigan. We have 2 seasons: Winter and Orange Barrell Season...because every week there's warmer weather, the road crews are out somewhere. It's ridiculous.

Bethany wrote:Hey Pete. My yard is bumpy, choppy and has a looooootttttt of tree roots. And the patch by the shed still won't grow right.
WELCOME TO CINCINNATI!

It's a good thing I just rent, I feel sorry for the owner who mows that!

I feel sorry for the renter that will be edging it

meether369 wrote:

Angie wrote:

meether369 wrote:Just took and hour and a half to get home. So starts the Orange Barrell season in MI.

what is that?

Construction.

There is a running joke in Michigan. We have 2 seasons: Winter and Orange Barrell Season...because every week there's warmer weather, the road crews are out somewhere. It's ridiculous.

gotcha! If I had been thinking I probably could've figured that out!

Bethany wrote:I feel sorry for the renter that will be edging it

Good morning! I have decided that the 3 days a week that I am not jogging I will go out and walk...so I did that this morning. I am already ready for work, but honestly my problem lies more in the fact that I have a hard time getting the kids moving. I am so very disorganized right now, but I am trying to work on that along with a thousand other areas in my life.

I need some advice and ideas. You guys have all heard me talk about Nate's work situation and how it isn't the best. Obviously we have went along with it, and like I have said before Nate is loyal to the death, so it is hard....BUT I really want him out of the business. I feel that my family takes advantage of him horribly. And I know that they don't see it that way, we were raised with a very different work ethic and sense of obligation than most other people are raised with. For example, my brother is much like my dad in that he expects the employees to act like servants, because they are Christians and that is what we are here for. And that is fine, but not when it is your job and how you pay your bills.

Anyway, I guess I am trying to figure out where we go, at 34 and 35 years old....having just done this our whole lives....the idea of changing things is terrifying, but the idea of staying the same is almost suicidal. Neither of us have a degree, we have always done what we are doing now....

I am seriously considering getting my real estate license, although we aren't in a good economy now...it could be something where I could actually make enough to truly help my family, and it would free Nate up to pursue some of his gifts, which I know he could make a living with, if he had the opportunity.

Anyway, I know that ultimately we have to be the ones to change, but I guess some advice is always nice.

I have two meetings today to confront the drama and negativity that exploded in my classroom on Friday. I have spent the weekend thinking things through and trying to battle the fear and frustration that are trying to take over my heart.

I am not capable of doing this on my own. I am crying out to God that he will empty me of my own motivations and will be my words and actions. Ultimately, I am advocating for my students whom I care deeply for, but I don't want this to become about me, which is difficult because I have been slandered by someone close to me.

I am very scared of this situation, but I am also trusting that God will be here with me and am excited to see how he works in it.

Happy Monday, huh?!

*ironically, I just realized the song, "With Me" is playing on my ipod: "I've seen enough to know, I don't want to go if you're not with me!"

Wow Mel, that's so hard. I'm praying for you.
Also, Angie...I'm so proud that you're jogging so regularly! Just starting small and doing something is a HUGE deal. I'm not sure what to tell you about the whole job thing other than that if you feel like you should do it then you should do it. Because honestly, life is to short to live it making other people happy at the expense of your families well being.
I'll be praying for strength and clarity.

Love you both!

My head is killing me today... I think it's part pressure change and part migraine.
Went walking this morning. Avoided the donut shop and had oatmeal instead.

I stress ate some Taco Bell.
I feel like I should get this by now

Bethany wrote:I stress ate some Taco Bell.
I feel like I should get this by now

It's so hard... instinct and habbit takes over.

Bethany wrote:I stress ate some Taco Bell.
I feel like I should get this by now

I took the kids to taco bell Saturday and it was hard not to eat it!

I had the two meetings and they went really well. Especially in the one with the woman who works directly with me, I honestly felt the words coming from elsewhere and it was good stuff!

The meeting with my boss went well too, but I won't know the outcome for a while. There is something I want to happen, but she isn't forthright in ever giving people what they want. So, I am trying to trust that God has the best in mind for me and my students and whatever happens is for that best.

Thank you guys for praying/thinking about me.

Mel I'm so glad to hear it went well! I'll keep praying for the boss outcome