Wednesday!

I certainly didn't post in the wrong DOTW thread...nope. Not at all.
Move along people, nothing to see here.

I really need to get moving today....but I also really need to go back to therapy.

First of all I have managed in 3 days of being quite down on myself to undo all of the weight loss of 3 weeks. That really blows, and it makes me sad....I don't think I will ever get down to a healthy weight again.

But I have to tell you I have also been really discouraged at church again. For some reason old wounds are popping up and getting in the way. I don't trust people at all....I don't think people really like me, and so I am very paranoid. It is just such a vicious cycle.

I have been thinking about the stuff with my b-i-l and s-il-l, which I had really just tried to let go of and forget. I have been thinking lately about the times our pastor has commented on how I talk too much, and thinking about this one gal, who truly in a loving manner, told me I was overbearing and intimidating. And also about how many times Nate and I talked about how if things didn't get better at that church we would look for a different church. But Nate really likes that church because of the guitar thing and I know he feels he wouldn't be able to be on a worship team going into a new church and he is not going anywhere else.

So, anyway, I think I an going to go on church hiatus again....I know people think I am cruel to make Nate take all of the kids to church by himself....but I just got so angry Sunday in church that I couldn't stay in the service, I don't know if I have ever told you guys this part of my odd personality...I probably have, because we all know I never shut my mouth...but since I was REALLy little, like 3 years old, I had this dream that I would be able to sing....not like a super star or anything, but I always wanted to be able to sing like people did in church or in plays, and it turns out that as an adult I am a horrible singer, and so that isn't an option....but I love singing and I love music and sometimes I get so angry that God gave me this love of music and singing but no ability. And EVERYONE in Nates family is musically gifted, and so sitting with them on Sundays is even worse, and of course Nate does special music all the time....and oh, the jealousy. It really sucks. But Sunday I just decided that if God was going to give me a passion and no ability, then I am not going to sing to Him....and I left. And that anger has not subsided at all. I am a really crazy person, I know....and believe me I do not like it one little bit.

I really do feel like you guys are my only friends...there is not a single person who even tries to contact me in any other manner, and I guess I feel it is because everyone feels I am loud and overbearing and totally nuts.

So, anyway, just kind of a sad day....and I know I will get over it, and in part it is the time of the year when my depressions set in....but I really want to find something in life that makes me feel like a useful person and that I enjoy. But in the words of U2, I still haven't found what I'm looking for.

Sorry that I didn't start things on a peppy note today, but thanks for letting me vent.

Ang, you never have to worry about always being peppy here. That's the nice thing about here, you can come how you are.
Nate would be able to play in another church, he may have to work his way up to playing but other churches do let new people play music.
I'm praying for you love, I'm sorry things are so rough right now but I'm glad that you know you can come here how you are and vent and that we will love you through it.

I'm particularly gassy today.

Angie, sorry to hear all that. I know that you know how good God is, and I will pray that He shows you--not that some other person convinces you, but that He will reveal Himself to you.

Did your pastor really tell you you talk too much?

I love how these threads go, it's always unpredictable.

Angie, I'm never sure what to say in these situations, but I think the good thing is you know the problem, and in order to find a solution you have to first figure out the problem, so I know you'll get there. In the mean time....

I read all this stuff at 9am this morning when I had to get up to let my potential buyer in the building, but I went out last night and was seriously paying for it and couldn't wrap my head around any of it, luckily I was able to go back to bed and I'm feeling better now.

I had a great time last night, but I took it too far. I wrote some things down last night that were on my mind about my behavior and I was very hard on myself. I just don't seem to understand limits and I really let myself have it last night. I'm not sure whether I need to ease up on myself or use tough love.

JW, my pastor did say that...it was a long time ago, and I should let it go...but it has always irritated me....he actually said things a couple of times. But, it is true that my mouth runs a lot, and I can't shut up sometimes.

That was at a meeting of some people who were a "core group" in the church, and I haven't gone to any of those since...it was at least 3 years ago. So as you see, I am holding on to old things!

I felt better just having posted here...sometimes you just need to not kick things around in only your own head, you need to tell someone, even if it doesn't really help...it does help.

I am totally shocked by Corey Haim.

Do you people realize how great this year and next year are for movies? We have Eclipse in June, Harry Potter in November, then harry potter again next july, then Breaking Dawn next november... I'M SO FREAKING EXCITED!

Katy I haven't seen you this excited in awhile!

The only movie that sounds familiar to me is the Harry Potter movies. I haven't heard of the rest of them.

Pete wrote:Katy I haven't seen you this excited in awhile!

The only movie that sounds familiar to me is the Harry Potter movies. I haven't heard of the rest of them.

They are in the Twilight Saga.

Happy Wednesday!
I agreed to have dinner with my friend Claire tonight, who I love and haven't seen that much lately. But I really just want to go back to the hotel and do nothing.

I also think the night desk clerk is either flirting with me or weird...

Bethany wrote:I also think the night desk clerk is either flirting with me or weird...

I choose to believe he's flirting.

I think I'll choose that too, but then that means I'm the weird one because I flirt really really awkwardly

I think you think it's awkward, but if I was on the other end of that I would think it was cute.....and so would the guy that would really appreciate you.



Going to sign some paperwork and then working all day. The weather is supposed to be so nice this week and I'm working through it all! Dang it!!

I'm warning everyone now.. that I only plan to use song lyrics in conversations for the rest of the day...

It's all about popular!

Working, I'm quite caught up on everything so it should be a nice day at work. Babysitting for my sisters life group tonight
Sharen has to go talk to the principal at Matthew's school today. He got suspended from the bus because he pulled a boys pants down and put his foot on his butt.
However there is another a little boy that has pulled Matthew's pants and underpants down 3 times and told everyone to look at his penis. The latest time which was yesterday.
So she's going in not to contest Matthew's suspension but to see what the hell is being done about this other little boy. In the meantime I just want to kick some ass.

I'm home with Rhys because he has been vomiting. He really got the upstairs hall last night, so I rented a carpet cleaner and I am planning on doing some spring cleaning since I am home today.

Nate is home too, he hasn't been feeling good for a couple of days, so I am letting him sleep as long as he needs to.

I am pretty happy with this low carb diet, I really feel like I am burning some fat. I am closer to my goal weight than I have been in 2 years!

And Bethany, I know just how you feel about Matthew, I sometimes feel that people see what my kids do that is wrong, but not the wrongs that are done to them....for me though I feel that way more with family, not the school.

Bethany wrote:Working, I'm quite caught up on everything so it should be a nice day at work. Babysitting for my sisters life group tonight
Sharen has to go talk to the principal at Matthew's school today. He got suspended from the bus because he pulled a boys pants down and put his foot on his butt.
However there is another a little boy that has pulled Matthew's pants and underpants down 3 times and told everyone to look at his penis. The latest time which was yesterday.
So she's going in not to contest Matthew's suspension but to see what the hell is being done about this other little boy. In the meantime I just want to kick some ass.

Had a good morning of cleaning out the garage and figuring out what I have, what's staying, what's going, what my brother and father have here still, etc... Then I went to my brothers and helped him at his house.

Now it's time to get ready for work, but at least I have tomorrow off!

Working, AGAIN
When is someone going to show up and pay me to lay around twirling my hair and doing whatever I want whenever I want dammit?!
I'm going to the gymm again tonight, 3 days in a row, I'm hoping to get back into a rythem (rhythym, ryhthum...why the fudgsicles can't I spell that word?!) and start losing again. I've maintained the loss through the stress of the past few months which is good, but I'm ready to start going down again. But oof am I sore.
I just keep telling myself that after today I have no workout days until next Monday.

so today for the first time in 16 days I had chocolate ( 2 hershey's kisses) and 10 jelly beans. Ah, well....keep moving forward!

I don't think I've gone a day in the last 16 MONTHS without chocolate! Good job, Ang!

yeah, I'll give it a whirl again until Sunday, when the Easter basket comes out! A lady gave me a bag of sponge candy on Tuesday, and it is killing me not eating it!

So, the school play was very good. Ethan and Leaf actually had the smallest parts they have ever had, and it is their last year in the school....and I have to admit, it irritates me, I want to punch their director in the head...I feel bad for that, but it is how I feel. Sometimes you just wish you could let people know how much they have hurt the ones you love, you know? And lately it just seems like the twins are bombarded by jack asses in their lives.

Anyway, I just need to make it through tomorrow, and then I am off for the weekend. I know I can make it!

Which play was it this year? Maybe next year, the director will be better. High School has bigger productions, right?!