Wednesday!

Bethany wrote:I haven't observed Lent, but I think I might this year.
I'm feeling a little scared by God right now. Like I'm wanting to not interact with him for fear of what he will show/tell me.

Interesting! Might be the best time to do it then!

Yeah that's what I'm thinking

I have a PDF of a journal our church is using, if you're interested. It's got scriptures and writing prompts.

That might be helpful. I'm going to try to actually get out of bed at 530 each morning and talk to God, journal etc.
I am absolutely terrified.

Hmm, why terrified?

A little because I know there are many things that my heart is just not right in that I've been trying to hide.
A little because I haven't been hanging out with him as much as I should
A little because I project the rejection and fear of relationships with people onto him and I know it's not right

A lot of little things added up to me not wanting to change things about myself that I'm comfortable with but aren't honoring to God and the feeling that I let everyone down so obviously I let God down too (which I know I do because we all fall short but still....)

Bethany wrote:A little because I know there are many things that my heart is just not right in that I've been trying to hide.
A little because I haven't been hanging out with him as much as I should
A little because I project the rejection and fear of relationships with people onto him and I know it's not right

A lot of little things added up to me not wanting to change things about myself that I'm comfortable with but aren't honoring to God and the feeling that I let everyone down so obviously I let God down too (which I know I do because we all fall short but still....)

Ahh, interesting. My suggestion, although way easier to say than to do, is to just let go of all of that and sit down with Him. You will be surprised and amazed, I am sure. Because, all of that is you, and none of it is Him...

I know, I'm my biggest obstacle to most things

Bethany wrote:I know, I'm my biggest obstacle to most things

We all are, I think. You're not alone in that.

I still have this cold, and I am tired and very cranky. I don't want to be overweight anymore, but I just don't see myself being able to control my eating.

I am really at a place where I want things to change, I have been living in the same cycle of life for the last 15 years, and I am really ready for something new.

I am tired of being broke and tubby and living in a mess. I want to be thin enough that I feel like I am worth spending some money on, I want to have new clothes and actually look decent. I also want to feel like I am not putting us in the direst of financial circumstances when I do go shopping....

oh, the frustrations of life. I am so ready to be finished with it....I hope to God that heaven is real and that God is truly merciful, because I need something different after this life.

I am always like this when I am trying not to eat....I want to eat!!!!! I want chocolate and brownies and fudge and cake and steak and any other horrible things I can shovel down.

And you know the other thing that has really been getting to me lately is the fact that I don't have any friends in my grasp to do anything with. I love you guys, and I wish I lived closer to all of you....but here, I just would like a circle of friends, but Nate is not interested in having friends at all....and that is kind of a bummer....I wish we did stuff sometimes, like went to parties or to plays or anything.....but hey, we are going to the grocery store together tonight. But we have to hurry, because he has worship team practice.....

I am just a little black rain cloud today!

Thanks for giving me a place to vent.

I hate those down in the dumps days, Angie. Although, the idea of Lent is kind of encouraging my resolve. It's sort of weird, because I was thinking of that concept I mentioned a while ago from my yoga lady about just letting yourself actually BE whatever it is you're trying to avoid by eating...and I realized if I let myself be hungry, I just obsess on being hungry and if I eat, I obsess on what food I am going to eat. It is ridiculous!!

Maybe if you had stuff like worship band practice you would make friends within reaching distance??

meether369 wrote:I hate those down in the dumps days, Angie. Although, the idea of Lent is kind of encouraging my resolve. It's sort of weird, because I was thinking of that concept I mentioned a while ago from my yoga lady about just letting yourself actually BE whatever it is you're trying to avoid by eating...and I realized if I let myself be hungry, I just obsess on being hungry and if I eat, I obsess on what food I am going to eat. It is ridiculous!!

Maybe if you had stuff like worship band practice you would make friends within reaching distance??

yeah, I need to find my niche, so to speak, so that I can find some people to hang out with....it would be good. I just don't know what that is.

I think that we all realize that anytime we try to make a positive change, these crappy moods hit....and I am just trying to take the food thing a minute at a time...and remind myself of the goal. Which is one year of my life, feeling like I look as good as it is possible for me to look, and feeling good. If I can lose 20 pounds I am going to splurge and do a day at a spa.....I have never done anything like that, and I think it sounds so relaxing! I am afraid I will want to keep doing it though, and I know I can't afford that!

One day at a time.

Good Morning!
I'm at work early hoping to be productive today. Pete is snoring snug in bed at my house (jealous!)
After work I'm babysitting at my sisters small group and then home to make a plan of attach for tomorrow with Pete (and to haul copious amounts of trash to the curb)

You could attach yourselves with velcro....that is a plan!

I am off to work, but will have to see if I can get a sub for the afternoon, I think Leaf may have strep throat, so I have to get him in to the doctor, we shall see.

Was up early to straighten the house--the cleaning lady is coming!

Work today, and then tonight I am picking up a painting I commissioned for a gift for my friend who is getting married. I am SO excited about it!!! They are into monkeys--and sock monkeys specifically--so I found this guy who paints sock monkeys and he made a tribute to the two of them. It's two sock monkeys that look like them holding hands in front of a tree with their initials and wedding date carved into the trunk. It is SO amazingly cool. I don't know if I will be able to wait until May to give it to them!

Then I have dinner with my mom and church. Busy evening!

Ang, I was so confused

Bethany wrote:Ang, I was so confused :lol:

I was too, but figured you would know what it meant, so I didn't comment...

:)

I wonder when Pete will wake up this morning
I put on some really really comfy sheets on his bed and there's a tv in there. We might not hear from him until I get home from babysitting tonight!

Bethany wrote:I wonder when Pete will wake up this morning
I put on some really really comfy sheets on his bed and there's a tv in there. We might not hear from him until I get home from babysitting tonight!

Nope, been up since 8am. Seems I forgot how to sleep in.

Just enjoying Reba, then I'm going to watch Lost, then do some measuring and thinking, and then off to Lunch at Chipoltle! Then after lunch start working on some ceiling tiles in the basement I think. Big decisions today.

I enjoy confusing people....

Well, the kids are mostly at church, only Piri is at home....Nate is getting ready to go to church, and the house is in dire need....so I am here on the forum!

so, the first Wednesday of March....I am working all day today, and then maybe cleaning, working on finances, trying to really move away from the pit that we seem to fall in every time it comes along.

I want to really change my outlook and the way I live my life...I want to break patterns and cycles and just move forward....but, of course I have said that countless times....I need to figure out what is standing between me and real change.

That's how I feel about my eating, Angie. It's rough.

I am really tired this morning and couldn't really get up. So I am a teence late. And without coffee. Uh oh.

Tonight is church and then possibly meeting up with a friend to get some work done afterward. Nothin special.

It seems like it's gonna be sunny here again today, which is good. Hope y'all have a good day!

I peeled myself out of bed just in time to take a quick shower and sprint out the door to work.
Now, working.
Tonight, sanding, wiping down the walls and hopefully priming the bathroom walls and painting the ceiling.
A friend from church is coming over to install the toilet in the basement bath.

I'm so ready for my house to be back in order.

I have to meet up with the potential buyer so a roofing contractor can look over my roof, and then meeting the zoning guy to talk about his smoke house.

I'm getting pretty tired of these meetings, I usually hang around them, but I'm just going to open the door this time because I have too much other stuff to get done. There is no need for me to be around all the time except to unlock the door. I have been spending too much time on this and always around his schedule.

I have been really bad about yoga-lay-hee-who lately. Well, I made up for it today and did 4 videos...only is about 40 mins, but I am a bowl of jello. Wowsers!

I really am surprised at how much more flexible I am than when I first started a month or so ago. Possibly, one day I might actually do it in front of another person!